


The Weight of a Guilty Conscience

by lydia_rogue



Category: RWBY
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Non-Linear Narrative, Original Character Death(s), Recovery isn't linear and neither is this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-11 23:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10476711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lydia_rogue/pseuds/lydia_rogue
Summary: Coco, Fox and Yatsuhashi are struggling to move on after a tragic end to their first year.





	1. Chapter 1

Coco shifted in her chair - it wasn't all that different than the one in her dorm room, but she couldn't find a comfortable spot on it either - refusing to meet Ozpin or Goodwitch's eyes. The single bare bulb over her head cast an odd pattern of shadows over the room, muting what few colors there were between the three of them. It felt like she had sat down for an interrogation.

_She walks in without warning, two weeks before she was supposed to come home, and the glass her mother had been holding shatters on the tile floor. "Coco?"_

"Miss Adel, can you please tell us what happened?" Goodwitch asked, opening up her scroll and turning on the record function. Ozpin passed her a cup of steaming hot coffee, expression one of understanding and pity she didn't deserve. 

_"We always wave exams for students in this situation, Mr. Daichi. We try to be understanding," Goodwitch says._

An interrogation would be an appropriate description for what was going on in the room - though her two professors would never have called it that, they kept telling her she wasn't in trouble.

_"Who gave you the right to choose who lives and who dies?" Coco demands, ignoring the tears streaming down her face._

If she were being honest with herself, Coco would have felt better if she were up on charges for something.

_Fox buries his face in his hands as he sits across from his father. He's not cried - not yet. He's not sure he ever will._

She wrapped her hands more tightly around the mug of coffee Ozpin had given her, soaking in the warmth through her black gloves, staring down at it without seeing it. What had happened - her mind blanked as she tried to comprehend it, tried to summon up the memories of what had happened.

_No one comes to investigate the screaming in the middle of the night - not anymore, at least; it happens too often._

"Coco," Ozpin said, gentle voice cutting through her distraction, but she still didn't look up at them, preferring to stare down at the mug. Maybe if she didn't look at them, they wouldn't realize she was crying again. "I am sorry, Coco, there are procedures in place and we must observe them. I promise this is just a formality. You aren't in trouble."

_It's too early - the sun is starting to peek out over the horizon, and yet Yatsuhashi hasn't slept yet._

She swallowed hard, closing her eyes as if she could hide away from their kindness - their understanding, their sympathy. She _should_ be in trouble - it was her fault after all. "If - if I do this, will Fox and Yatsu…" she tripped over their names - everything about her team hurt to voice.

 _"Yatsu, sweetheart, we can find a place for you here on the farm, you don't_ have _to go back," his mother says. It's a sharp contrast from the year before when she was encouraging him to go - when his parents were saying there wasn't room for someone with his strength and build._

"No, Miss Adel, we won't need to speak to them at all," Professor Goodwitch said, gently - too gently. Everyone was treating Coco as if she might break, and, gods above, she felt like she would if anyone so much as raised their voice around her.

_"Well maybe if you feel that way, I shouldn't go back with you to Beacon!" Fox shouts at her. He doesn't seem to notice the tears streaming down his face._

Coco nodded, throat too tight to form words, and she swirled the coffee around in the mug, staring at the steam that drifted up. "Just - ask questions, please." She couldn't do it if they didn't walk her through it, asking questions to help her keep it all straight - it was all a mess in her mind.

_Fox is holding her back - but that isn't right - she's screaming; she's waking up screaming for the third time this week._

"Can you start at the beginning, when you left Beacon?" Ozpin prompted.

_"Can you explain it to them?" Yatsu asks into his scroll, unable to find the words to tell his family._

She wanted to yell at Goodwitch, at both of them - to scream at them stop being so _kind_ \- but she refrained. "It was supposed to be an easy mission," she said, voice hoarse - she'd had a screaming nightmare every night this week and her throat still hadn't healed.

_4:23 AM - at least this time he had managed to wake himself up; he quietly walks out to the kitchen for a glass of water - no one is coming to check on him because his nightmares aren't the screaming kind._

Her mind conjured up the image of the four of them choosing their mission together, laughing - happy. She shook her head against the unwelcome memory. "Just a search and destroy - go in, take out a couple of nests, come back."

_His scroll beeps at him - one of the messages he sent comes back undeliverable - and he ignores it. It was to be expected, but he can't bring himself to delete the number either._

"Professor Peach was with us." They knew that - she knew they knew that, and yet she needed to include that piece of information. Facts. She could relay the facts. Facts were easy. Facts were simple, they didn't come with judgement - that would come later.

_"You'll always have a job with our company, Coco," her father says. The idea sounds a lot more appealing now than it had the year before._

"The first day was fine - it wasn't until the second day that we saw it." She let out a bark of laughter, bitter as the untouched coffee in her hands. "It looked so _innocuous_. All the buildings around it were in ruins - it had stood tall for over fifty years; we didn't think - "

_"Yatsu, tell me about Beacon! What all did you learn?" Yatsuhashi stares down at his brother, unable to find the words to explain, stares down at the innocent look that only a five-year-old could muster and breaks down into sobs._

She shook her head sharply - a movement that would have sent her beret flying if she'd been wearing it - and corrected herself: " _I_ didn't think. It looked stable, I made the call - we should go investigate it."

_"I don't know I can go back, mom. It's too much." Fox sighs and shakes his head. She rubs his back, too kind to remind him that she'd been worried about the toll combat school would take from the start._

"Yatsu and Professor Peach decided to scout around the outside - we thought there was a nest inside, we were just going in to _scout_." She blinked up at her professors. "We were just going to investigate - it wasn't supposed to be dangerous."

_She had insisted on carrying everything back herself - it was her duty as leader, even if the family had already been informed. She raises her hand to knock on the wooden door._

Her next laugh was even more bitter. "Did you know Fox's semblance is that he can teleport short distances? He can even take someone with him - just one, though." She blinked back tears that threatened to well up. "Just one." She let out a sigh, and added quietly, "There were two of us with him."

_"I don't ever want to use it again!" he shouts, punching a wall. "By the gods, Coco, I didn't think - I just - I grabbed you; it was all I could do! I grabbed you and went!"_

She couldn't look up at her professors; she was too aware of the tears that were in her eyes - she couldn't handle the look of pity they would have no doubt had. "We didn't make it far - I don't even know what caused it; the additional weight or something shifted when the grimm noticed us - "

_The sun is coming up and he's still at it - this punching bag has out-lived his fists, the rough cloth slowly turning a bloody red; Yatsuhashi pretends not to notice._

"- and the building started to collapse around us. Fox - he isn't to blame, you know, he just acted on instinct - "

_"You should have left me! You should have grabbed - " she chokes on the name, unable to voice it._

"- and teleported us out. I saw - I saw the look on his face just as it happened too, the realization of what was happening, what was about to happen - I will never forget that look." 

_Yatsuhashi makes himself another cup of tea as he watches the sun rise; maybe tomorrow night he'll be able to sleep._

She was rambling now, but she couldn't _stop_ either - now that she'd started the words came easily, an uncontrollable flood of them. 

_Her first night back, she wakes up half the household screaming._

"I didn't want him to grab me, I didn't have a _choice_ and just as we got out the building collapsed completely…"

_She can't look at Fox; she's staring out at the landscape that speeds by below them - but whether they're running to something or away from something is still unclear._

"Miss Adel - " Goodwitch started. "It's not your fault."

_"It's not your fault, Coco," Yatsu says; it's three AM and this isn't the first time they've had this conversation at this hour - though who is reassuring whom changes._

Coco started laughing. "It is, though. It absolutely is. Isn't that what's supposed to happen? The leader of the team dies while the rest of the team goes on living?"

_"I'm so sorry," she says to them, holding out a box of belongings that had been left at Beacon. "I am so very sorry."_

"Coco -" Ozpin this time, but it's too gentle and her tenuous hold on her anger broke.

_"It's not fair. It should have been me," Fox says to Yatsuhashi, who says the same thing the next night._

She threw the coffee mug - still full, untouched - at the wall beside her. Neither of them flinched when it shattered. "No! It should have been me! _I_ should have been the one to die, not Forest!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm kinda sorry, but when I realized about 2/3rds of the way through the first chapter it sounded like Velvet had been killed I couldn't _not_ keep it up. It _is_ tagged "No Archive Warnings Apply" and "Original Character Death" after all, not "Major Character Death".
> 
> Find me on [Tumblr](http://marykay91.tumblr.com/)/[writing blog](http://lydiarogue.tumblr.com/) or y'know yell at me down in the comments. I do want to hear what you think so far, this is a bit of an experiment.
> 
> Chapters should go up weekly. (I need time to edit them omg this takes so much editing.)


	2. Chapter 2

_Coco let out a long sigh, taking off her sunglasses to reveal dark bags under both of her eyes. "I think it'd do us some good, help us move on," she finally admitted, sounding defeated, refusing to look up at Ozpin. "Team CFVY it is."_

When Ozpin had asked Velvet about skipping a year to take an open spot on a second-year team, she knew her presence might not be welcome. No one had said anything about why there was an open spot, but almost no one left combat school willingly after getting in. On the rare occasion it happened, it didn't leave a team in shambles

 _"You want us to_ what _?" Coco demanded, fury slipping into her voice. A first-year. Ozpin wanted them to take on a_ first-year _\- someone even younger than Forest had been, someone who was just a_ child _._

Her teammates are courteous enough, but there's a tension in the dorm that won't go away - wan smiles that fade too quickly when they see her and quiet discussions that stop when she walks into the room. She doesn't complain about the team name, even though it's clear it was designed with another person's name in mind. The rest of her team doesn't seem to notice the mockery from strangers when they're told she's part of team _coffee_. Her name doesn't fit into the team's any more than she fits into the team.

_Coco shook her head sharply when Ozpin started to talk about changing the team name to something more suited to the new letters. "Team Coffee - C-F-V-Y." She wasn't about to change everything about the team - and the name still fit, even if the spelling was unusual._

Not that they actively try to exclude her - if anything, they go out of their way to make sure she feels included in team exercises. 

_"What are our other options?" Coco all but begged. Ozpin can't offer any, though. Coco just wanted one last chance to go back to her team with a different answer, even though they'd already said yes to Velvet._

She reminds herself she chose this - she _could_ have attended initiation with the rest of her peers - and reminds herself that there's a _reason_ she chose this when she sees her peers, and shudders to think what _could_ have happened out in the Emerald Forest if she had gone.

_"Velvet seems nice enough," Yatsuhashi ventured, speaking for the first time. "I wouldn't mind…" he trailed off, unable to call her partner. "I wouldn't mind," he repeated, mostly to himself._

_That was the thing though - she seemed wonderful, like she'd fit in just fine with the rest of the team; there was no reason for any of them to object to her presence, but none of them wanted to say yes because that would be saying Forest was really gone._

A chill had run down her spine when she'd met team CRDL - if she had run into one of them in the forest… She tries not to think about what could have gone wrong there.

_"If she says yes, I mean, we don't know what her year-mates are like. I'm not sure I'd feel right leaving her to that," Coco said with an air of defeat. "But it's up to you, Yatsu. It has to be a unanimous decision."_

They do their best to make her feel welcome, and in return, she does her best to understand that they're still mourning the loss of one of their teammates.

Sometimes there's an unavoidable accident, though - like when Velvet accidentally dropped her hairbrush on the tile floor. The cracking noise makes her teammates jump, all of them reaching for weapons they don't have. "I'm sorry," she whispers, ears laying back flat against her head.

The room had been silent up until that point, and Coco runs her hand through her hair. "It's okay, Velvs."

The tension that starts up isn't so easily forgotten though - not that anyone is placing blame on anyone.

_Coco pulled her knees up to her chest when Velvet left, not even sure how to begin the conversation with Fox and Yatsuhashi. Velvet seemed nice enough - and fit in well enough - there wasn't a reason to say no._

_"It just - I don't want to feel like we're replacing Forest. But I think I'd like a fourth person on the team," Fox said._

Velvet stays up late that night - she has a lot of theory to catch up on, even if her combat scores were high enough to skip a year - and she doesn't have to disturb any of her teammates with a light with her faunus eyesight.

_There were differences, there definitely were. But she was the same height, had the same soft features, the same gentle smile. And none of them could forget that Forest had been the youngest of the four of them, too._

It's not a sound that draws her attention to Fox, it's just a tiny movement - he's started to twitch in his sleep, tensing and relaxing. Now that she's paying attention, she can see tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes.

"Fox?" she whispers, not wanting to disturb their two teammates. When that doesn't wake him, she gently shakes his shoulder.

He wakes with a startled gasp, blinking up at her, still tense at first as if ready for a fight. "Coco? Did I wake you?" he asks after a moment, rubbing his eyes.

"Velvet," she corrects, "and no, I was still up working on classwork." She reaches behind her to grab the glass of water she'd had for herself and offers it to Fox.

He takes it with a quiet noise of gratitude, head bowed as if to hide the tears. "I'm sorry."

She puts her hand on his. "It's okay, I promise, I was already awake." Seeing that he's still shaking, she sits down on the bed next to him, wraps an arm around his shoulders. "Do you want to talk about it?"

His hands tightened around the water glass tightly enough she's afraid it will shatter. "No, it's okay. Go back to sleep, Velvs." The smile he offers is tight and fades quickly.

"I'll be up for a while yet," she says with a shrug and a brief hug before moving back to her desk. He doesn't take her up on the offer, nor does he lay back down, sitting on his bed with his head bowed.

 _"She's a_ child _, Ozpin, absolutely not!" Coco paced around the office refusing to even consider it. "I won't take someone else that young into a warzone to die."_

_"Velvet has had consistently higher marks than - "_

_She whirled to face Ozpin, voice dropping into an angry hiss. "Do not go there. Forest was a plenty capable fighter, and in the end it didn't matter."_

The next time she checks on a teammate, it's not so gentle - she's actually asleep when Coco wakes up the entire room with her scream.

But it's an unfair assessment, as Fox is already awake and Yatsuhashi is nowhere to be found. Velvet goes over to her leader, glass of water in hand. "Coco? You're safe," she offers. It's the only thing she _can_ offer at this hour - some three a.m. or later.

" _Fuck_ ," she mutters, taking the glass of water. "Didn't mean to wake you." Her hands tremble so badly water threatens to slosh over the sides of the glass - at least until she sets it to one side and runs her fingers through her hair.

Velvet goes to sit down on the bed, but Coco stands up abruptly, putting on the first pair of shoes she can find, not bothering with beret or sunglasses. "I'm going to go find Yatsu," she says as she stalks out, not quite slamming the door behind her.

Fox just shakes his head before Velvet can even ask, so she just slips into the bathroom to start her day; might as well get a jump start now that she was wide awake.

_"Coco, I have a proposition for you," Ozpin said when she arrived. "While your team is more than capable right now, I have an incoming first-year student whose combat scores make her better suited to second-year. I thought she might be a good fit for your team. Her name is Velvet Scarlatina and I think you should at least meet her before you make a decision."_

_Coco's jaw went slack - Ozpin couldn't be serious._

Her partner is elusive as well - it takes a little over a week for her to realize he's spending more nights away from the dorm than in his own bed. 

The next night she sees him slip out, she grabs her shoes and a book and follows him, though she suspects she knows exactly where he's going. 

He doesn't acknowledge her presence at all when she settles down next to him in the gym, leaning up against the wall by the punching bag he's trying to demolish. She opens the book she brought to try and read it.

"Velvet, go get some sleep," he says about twenty minutes later, not breaking his pattern of jabs and punches. "I don't need the company."

_"I'd like to meet them first," Velvet compromised. "Make my decision then." Ozpin had agreed easily, saying that the rest of the team would also have to agree to her presence as well._

_Knocking on the dorm room a little while later, she wondered how welcome she would actually be._

"I don't think I could have slept anyway," she admits, not looking up from her book. The thing is she has her own issues too, her own problems, but she doesn't want to bother her team - they have enough on their plate without her petty disputes with the other first years. (She still thought of herself as one, sometimes, especially when other teams accused her of being stuck up because she had skipped initiation and been placed on a second-year team, as if she'd asked for it.)

_"It won't be easy, Velvet, and I apologize for asking this of you, but I think you'd do the three of them some good," Ozpin said. "I have complete faith in you - and your combat skills are more than up to par. You'll have to take some theory classes, but nothing too strenuous."_

He pauses at that and wipes his face down with a towel. "Join me for tea, then?" he asks. "Coco will be along in a little while." It's a small kindness on his part, but still a meaningful reach across the gulf that has formed on the team.

_It was a weighty question - should she trust Ozpin's judgement or should she risk going through initiation with the rest of the first years? Neither were an appealing proposition, but maybe if she got to meet them first…_

Velvet follows him, thankful he didn't try to push her away too. Even though they sit in silence - neither of them voicing what's bothering them - it's _something_ at least.

And when both Coco and Fox come and join them in the wee hours of the morning, both of them with bags under their eyes, it feels like the start of something - of being team _CFVY_.

_"Hello, am I speaking to Velvet Scarlatina?" a voice had asked the moment she picked up the phone. She stammered out a yes. "My name is Professor Ozpin, head of Beacon academy, and I have a proposal for you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tune in next week for the conclusion! As always, looking for any feedback on this - it's an experimental piece and style.
> 
> (Also proposed name change was to AVAD - avocado. [Adel, Velvet, Alistair, Daichi])


	3. Chapter 3

_It's been three months since the start of the school year. While the four of them have come to an uneasy understanding, there's still a tension that hangs over all of them as their second-year mission draws closer._

_The fact that it's earlier in the year than the last isn't helping their tension levels - nor is the fact that none of them are sleeping well still, even as they work to come to terms with the fact that they're team_ CFVY _now._

Yatsuhashi pours the tea for both him and Professor Peach when it finishes brewing. They almost never talk while sharing their weekly tea, but it had become an important ritual for them.

"I shouldn't have let them go in," she says suddenly, looking pensively down at her tea cup. It was the first time either of them had broached the subject of the failed first-year mission. "They should never have been in there in the first place."

"It's not your fault," he says, staring down at his own tea as well. "There's nothing that would have convinced them not to go."

"I was in charge though," she points out.

"I think, at most, you could say we should have been there with them," Yatsu offers in compromise. "But if we had…"

She sighs. "We wouldn't have gotten out."

Coco and Fox had only survived because of his semblance, there was no question of that, and more people in the building would have only meant more deaths.

It's a bitter pill to swallow, and he's not sure he'll ever fully believe it. "I guess we should just take what small blessings we can."

At least they were alive and could keep fighting. It wasn't much, but it was all they had.

"How are your teammates holding up?" she asks, putting her hand on his.

He rolls his shoulders and pulls his hand back, pretending it's to take another sip of tea. "We don't really talk about it."

Professor Peach cocks her head. "Maybe you should, it might help."

"Maybe," he agrees.

_It's a quiet Saturday - it's about two weeks before they leave on their mission - and everyone is trying to relax in the dorm room: Fox is stretched out on his bed listening to an audio book, Coco is listening to music while flipping through one of the latest fashion magazines, and Yatsuhashi seems to be occupied baking a mountain of cookies._

_Velvet finds a good movie with descriptive audio - something low-key where no one dies - she reviews it herself to make sure - not even the dog. It was a good choice for unwinding. They'd all been pushing themselves so hard - too hard, if you asked Velvet._

He doesn't want to think about it - how he _could_ have saved Forest if he'd just been stronger or _better_ \- but he wants to know the answer. He wants to know if the next time it happens he would be able to save them both.

It's not an easy question to voice when he finds Professor Goodwitch after class - even having rehearsed it over and over.

"If - Professor?" he asks, hesitation creeping into his voice. "Do you think it'd be possible for me to learn to - " he lets out a long breath " - take more than one person with me when I teleport?"

He hears the swish of her riding crop as she contemplates his question.

"It's certainly possible, Mr. Alistair," she says. "It would take a considerable amount of work."

He nods. "I'd like more time to think about it." He doesn't, not really - he _wants_ to learn, but he has to be comfortable using his semblance at all again.

And he doesn't know if he can do that.

"Have you talked about it with Coco?" she asks, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

He pulls back and shakes his head. That's even more impossible than even thinking about using his semblance again.

_The lengths they go to are starting to have a negative effect on their performance - not that any of them are willing to admit to it. Even Velvet is feeling the strain of the extra classes and from keeping things from her teammates._

The first-year grabbed Coco on their way out of the cafeteria, shoving her up against the wall and not letting her go.

Startled, Coco blinks down at the furious woman - she has no energy to fight back or protest the rough treatment.

She introduces herself with a growl of a name - _Blake Belladonna_ \- and Coco wonders for a brief moment if this first-year will be the last thing she ever sees.

"Do you know what they're doing to your teammate?" Blake hisses, eyes narrowing as she glares up at Coco.

And Coco honestly doesn't have a clue what she's referring to - but considering she's a first year, she probably meant Velvet.

"Who?" she asks, blood running cold at the thought of what _could_ be happening to her youngest team member.

"Team _CRDL._ " The name is spat out as if it tastes vile to voice. "They're in our classes and they - " She shakes her head sharply. "I know you lost someone, but you need to get your head out of your ass."

The words feel like a slap to her face - she roughly shoves Blake away, but the younger woman grabs her.

"I've seen what _people_ like Cardin and his ilk can do to faunus." There's no sympathy in her voice, there's no gentle tone, it's only cold hard facts. "And you'd best get your head out of your ass before you lose someone _else_."

"Velvet - " she starts to say, weakly. She's not sure how she'd finish that sentence, though. Velvet what. Velvet hadn't said anything? Velvet barely ever spoke up unless she was asked a direct question.

"You _really_ think Velvet would say something?" Blake asks. "Fix it, Coco. You're a better leader than this." She lets go of Coco and stalks off towards the cafeteria.

Coco thinks about going after her, demanding more answers, but really, there's not much more to say. She owed Velvet an apology - and to figure out what to do about the team that'd been harassing her.

_The four of them pick at their dinner, managing to eat just enough to keep their energy up. When they got back to the dorm, Velvet proposes they move all the mattresses to the floor and stretch out to watch a movie together._

_"I picked something that has descriptive audio. It's low-key, has a happy ending." She didn't say it didn't have any deaths, but Coco nodded when she looked at the title._

_No deaths._

_No explosions._

_No loud noises._

It happens in the blink of an eye.

Fox is sparring with Yatsu after dinner one evening - they're just going for a relaxing bout to try and help them both sleep; it doesn't always work, but tonight they're giving it a go.

They're both exhausted and not as quick on their feet as they usually are - and they're playing with fire, their auras already low from intense training earlier in the day.

It's a half-second too late that Fox hears Yatsu's sword coming around at him and he doesn't have time to block it.

It's not a conscious decision - but he's suddenly across the room, facing the wrong way and disoriented. The only sound he can hear is his own heavy breathing.

"Fox?" Yatsu says after a long, painful moment of startled silence. "Are you okay?"

He shakes his head. No - it's like the first time he used his semblance all over again - he doesn't know which direction he's facing or where he'd come from.

Yatsuhashi walks over and wraps an arm around Fox. "It's okay," he reassured him.

"I've - " He takes a deep breath and starts to shake himself free of Yatsu's arm, then thinks better of it, relaxing slightly at the gentle touch. "It's almost as disorienting as it was when I first learned what my semblance was."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Yatsu asks, and Fox can only shake his head.

He doesn't know.

To know that, he'd have to know what he wanted to begin with.

He turns into Yatsuhashi's embrace and returns it, clinging to his teammate like he's the only thing keeping him afloat.

"I haven't used it since - " His next breath stutters.

Yatsuhashi's embrace tightens. "Do what you want - we're here for you."

_The beds get piled into a corner of the room, all of the pillows, blankets and mattresses commandeered to form a comfortable spot for all of them to settle into._

_Velvet makes tea._

_Coco sets up the screen._

_Fox makes popcorn._

_Yatsu plates some of the cookies he made earlier._

_They all settle into the pile of blankets and pillows, curling up around one another in ways that seemed comfortable._

_"Can everyone see the screen?" Coco asks._

_"No," Fox says with a small grin._

_"Can everyone_ else _see the screen?" she amends with a small chuckle. When Yatsu and Velvet confirm, she hits play._

Coco had never gone easy on Fox - it was one of the things that had brought them together all those years ago. She knew he could handle anything she could dish out - and he would meet her blow for blow in the sparring ring.

But their sparring matches this year lacked the usual banter to go with the vicious attacks - as they dance and fight in silence, they seem furious with one another.

When her aura shatters half a beat before Fox's, they collapse in the center of the ring, sitting with their backs pressed up against one another, both of them breathing hard.

"I'm not sorry I saved you," Fox finally says, just a quiet whisper that barely carries far enough for Coco to hear.

Her next breath hitches. "I don't want to be dead," she says. It's not very reassuring, she's sure, but it's all she can really offer at the moment.

She's never wanted to be dead.

She just wishes Forest wasn't.

He reaches out to put his hand on hers. "I know. It's okay."

And it isn't - not yet.

But maybe it will be.

_It isn't the most comfortable - there are too many legs and arms and elbows and it takes a while for everyone to get comfortable - but it works, and they start to relax in bits and pieces as the movie plays, everyone managing to stay in contact with the rest of the team even as they settle in fully._

_Yatsu falls asleep first, then Coco and Fox, the three of them tangled around one another in an awkward pile. Yatsu's arm is still securely wrapped around Velvet's waist, tightening when she moves to turn off the screen._

_They hadn't even made it through half the movie, but that wasn't the point, so it was okay._

"I'm sorry, Velvs, this hasn't been fair to you," he whispers.

Her ears twitch in reaction as she looks up from her notes.

"I knew what I was getting into," she says, rolling her shoulders in a half-shrug, half-stretch.

"Really?" he asks, setting his notes to one side.

"Well, mostly," she says with a sigh. "Ozpin didn't say a lot, but it wasn't exactly difficult to piece together."

"Did you want to know anything?"

Velvet's ears drooped. "I know his name, but I'd love to hear you hear you talk about him more - when you're ready."

"You wouldn't mind?" he asks, uncertain. He misses his old partner, but he doesn't want to make Velvet uncomfortable either.

She shakes her head. "Not in the least - whenever you're ready."

Yatsuhashi offers her a smile, one that doesn't fade. "After we finish reviewing for the exam?"

She reaches out and gives his hand a gentle squeeze. "Sounds perfect."

_It's a sparrow's song that wakes Velvet up the next morning - a sharp contrast from the usual nightmares that would have normally gotten her out of bed long before now, whether it was Coco waking up screaming, Velvet waking up to check on Fox or her own demons haunting her dreams._

_She was pressed between Yatsuhashi and Fox, with Coco's arm thrown across the three of them from where she was spooned against her partner._

_Normally they were all awake by now, going down to the cafeteria to get breakfast, but she can't bring herself to wake any of them._

_She settles back down into the space between her two teammates - they could afford to sleep in just a little longer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Please do let me know what you thought. (Also special thanks to AniPendragon who encouraged me to write this in the first place.)
> 
> If you haven't quite had your fill of angst, have the sequel - [_Stay Alive (Reprise)_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8572021/chapters/23389284).


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